Monthly Archives: June 2009

Fuzzy

Bill Russell, the NBA superstar of old, was on the Daily Show.
Russell said he’d had a chat with the Dalai Lama one day and asked him, “You have a combination of spirituality and reality. When did it come together? Did it come all at once, or was it that some came gradually?”
So the guru replied that it had taken over 30 years. 30 years!
A man who is said to have been born into his religious prominence, 30 years to get to that necessary plateau!
Well, us mere mortals can take a breath then, can’t we? Continue reading →

A Smattering of Happenings

I’m not very comfortable posting this because there are areas in here I’m not ready to be sharing, but this is what’s going on RIGHT NOW, and sometimes accounts of these things after-the-fact are overly sanitized. But what the fuck, I’ll share.
This is turning into a monumental week for me, a week of massive change that I think is laying the groundwork for what’s going to be one hell of an interesting upswing.
There have been a number of things I have been wanting resolution with for a long time, but have only really pursued this year. Among them was finally getting diagnosed as ADD. I never wanted to go there, never thought it applied to me. But I fake it well, right? I delude people into thinking I’ve a better grip on things than I do. Continue reading →

And Then The Phone Rang

Got a message from my doctor, apparently my ultrasound’s all clear.
But it doesn’t really ease my mind.
The reality is, I know something’s different. So if that’s not it, what? But I’ve changed so much in my life in the last 18 months, and so much has changed on me, that a starting point for what’s going wrong is not so easy to find, since change isn’t always easy to peg as “right” or “wrong”. Continue reading →

Now What? Waiting.

See my last posting. I know nothing. Knowing nothing will be the status quo for a couple more days possibly.
I have nothing more to really say about it. I know nothing. Que sera sera.
I had an ultrasound. Anything there? I don’t know. When my technician found the ovaries, her demeanour changed. The conversation about my mother’s disease/death unravelled me a little at the start. Continue reading →

My Very Emotional Day

I should be bouncing madly, ready for the Von Bondies to take the stage shortly, but I bailed on my best friend for an evening at home, after a very emotional day.
Please comment, but don’t do the well-meaning “Oh, Steff, you poor thing” stuff, ‘cos that usually gets me worked up and thinking I should be feeling sorry for myself rather than succeeding being strong.

_________________

So, I know it’s a full moon night. I know I’m overtired anyhow. I know my week was daunting the fuck out of me to begin with. I know these things. I’m sure this is nothing. I know THAT, too.
Nonetheless, my mind went spinning a million directions. Tears were had. More than once. And in my open-space office, even. Continue reading →

Keepin' On Keepin' On? Barely.

Today is brought to you in part by “Can’t Give a Shit” and “Hanging On By A Thread”.
I’m at the cusp of snapping. Hosting a dinner party this Saturday is probably the LAST thing my week needs, but that’s where this week is headed. It’ll be a blast of course, but Getting There is the challenge.
I’m workdays and just under three weeks away from about 10 days off, and I’ll be headed out of town for the first time in, oh, say several years. I haven’t been anywhere, really, that hasn’t been on an easy-to-get-to ferry route in about 6 or 7 years. It’s been a fuck of a few years. What can I tell you? Continue reading →

Opting Into Ignorance

Freedom of education? Not on my tax dollar, bub.
The province of Alberta, here in Canada, has opted to make matters of sex, sexual orientation,* and religion OPTIONAL for their students. Parents can yank their kids out of school when they disagree with the premise at hand. [Story here.]
Religion? Okay. Fine. I’ll give you that. Make that optional. I not only understand having strong beliefs on faith, I respect it. I do not, however, understand refusing to listen to other views, not having faith in your children to be intelligent enough to hear more than one viewpoint, or shutting down education when it seems fit,  because I feel that teaches children that the teachers and education itself are not credible.
But on matters of sex? Sex education?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Continue reading →

Embracing the Angst

I’m in a bitter mood. I’m sure people would do well to enact a 10-foot radius around me today. Stay back, or be armed. Those are kind of your options for dealing with The Steff today.
It’ll probably die down in a couple hours. But I don’t give a shit. I don’t get bitter very often, and I’m not about to run around panicking because it’s happpened now. We get bitter. Emotions are a wild ride. Fight it at your peril.
Or be like me, and take it lying down. Continue reading →