I Don't Wanna Be Your Dog

I’m sorry, Iggy, but it’s true.
This one goes out to the porn school boys. Yeah. You know who you are. The guys who watch porn and think women actually want to fuck like that.
The majority of women don’t have “getting titty-fucked” at the top of their weekend to-do lists, all right? We don’t necessarily globally relish having our asses smacked while we’re being ridden doggy-style by some dude who thinks he’s one lap away from the Kentucky Derby. (Probably most women like to take one of those laps from time to time, though.)
The majority of chicks aren’t going to gush and coo like a girl on Christmas morning as you cum on their face. Most will be pissed that you’ve even attempted it, really.
Face it, boys. Porn movies are movies that are made by men, for men. They are entertainment. They’re the sexual equivalent of the DC Comics’ League of Justice: highly improbable, hugely exaggerrated, and excessively stylized.
If you’re taking your sex tips from porn, you might just want to think twice before you invite Debbie over for a little diddling.
Fact is, porn’s for the uninteresting. Most North American porn is so laughably cliche, so utterly uninspired, that it’s a wonder Europeans ever sleep with any of us. Thank god they know better than to believe everything they see on television. Pity the same can’t be said of everyone on this big ol’ continent, though.
If you’re content to underperform, then porn away, boys. If you really want to get fucked, and you really want to know what an orgasm has the potential to feel like, then explore the full dimensions of sex.
The problem with the Porn Boys is they just don’t fucking understand that orgasms are like concert seats. Just because you’re at the concert doesn’t mean you’re getting the best show. In fact, sitting in the nosebleeds might get you into the gig, but with all that frenzied distortion and being so far away visually, you’re barely scratching the surface of the experience.
Upgrading and getting in close seems to sometimes slow it all down and make the experience bigger than life. The bass rocks you, the sweat slowly builds as the tension gets better and better throughout the headliner’s act before they finally blow their wad on the show-stopping encore that leaves them and the audience gasping for more.
Stop being content to just show up and get rocked. Put yourself in the show and really make it an event.
What have you really got to lose, besides your breath?

11 thoughts on “I Don't Wanna Be Your Dog

  1. Pin 'n Pants

    ………..don’t tell me that! You just destroyed my fantasies! ;0

    I have to ask…..did porn create men’s fantasies or did men’s fantasies create porn?

    Isn’t sex a two way street? If we do things to satisfy our partners, should we get that in return?

  2. scribe called steff

    ha. well, the problem as i see it is that there’s not enough visual imagery out there of GOOD sex, GREAT sex, so all these porn images are what guys have to go by as far as sex-edumacatin’ goes.

    i mean, there are chicks who ARE into that, and whatever, that’s great for them, but for the standard gal, no. i can take occasional forays into the land of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, but it’s not a place i wish to linger. personally, i’m more into passion and/or playfulness, and feverish encounters.

    and i don’t know what came first, the fantasies or the porn, but i would imagine that more than half of the viewing audience are guys who lack the creativity or ingenuity to be a quality lover on their own terms, so the porn creates a mindset for them. it’s also the earliest, and most prevalent, form of sex education guys have. with schools opting out of teaching us what the fuck to do, there are few other sources out there.

    but when guys complain chicks don’t want to have sex, they sort of have to ask themselves why. what methods do they use? what approaches do they take?

    and “Isn’t sex a two way street? If we do things to satisfy our partners, should we get that in return?”

    well, have you read my shit? i’m always citing Newton’s Third Law: every action deserves an equal (and opposite) reaction. yeah, absolutely, it must be quid pro quo. if one of the two is doing all the work, then that’s just flat-out wrong.

    but no one should have to do anything they’re not comfortable with. period. ever. period.

    (then there’s the issue of whether or not their comfort boundaries are logical or not. i think some boundaries are a little overwrought and need to be examined. but getting there is a hard thing to do.)

    but yeah, i’m ALWAYS saying that both people in a sexual encounter absolutely have to be on page, and i think women MUST initiate sex as often as men (lord knows i do) — and they must reciprocate his actions. absolutely. sex ain’t a service, it’s a shared experience. always.

  3. chelsea girl


    I have to say, speak for your own darn self. I have found that as I’ve gotten older, yet more experienced and more comfy with my sexual self, I like many more pornified acts than I’d ever imagined I would when I was, say, your age.

    I like being fucked hard. Very hard. I like being face-fucked. I like having my ass spanked. I like, from time to time, having my face spunked.

    It’s not pure porn, of course, for the man I enjoy these activities with is one I love and one who loves me, and so when we fuck it’s always an emotional experience, but is it porn-flavored? Absolutely.

    I love Tony Comstock who makes some very beautiful and very anti-porn porn–in fact he’s a friend of mine–but the criticism I have for him is that his porn isn’t rough enough. I, much to my dismay, like it rough often, in fact increasingly more often than I like it tender.

    All I am suggesting is this: don’t dwell in absolutes. There are plenty of women who like it on the pornified side.

    I’m one of them.

    chelsea girl

  4. mhorts

    Here here, CG. I also have to disagree with Steff on this one. Assuming I have had sex with more women than Steff has, I can say that everyone has different tastes. Not every woman likes it the way Steff does. Some like it hard, some like it raunchy, some like it romantic, and most like a combination.

    I don’t mean to gang up on you Steff. You know I love your writing. 😉

  5. scribe called steff

    Oh, I know, I know, I know. I know there’s a mix out there. This is more a shit-disturber post than anything. I like a combination of sex, myself, and have definitely gotten in touch with my inner-aggressor, and plan to do so again, but this is more directed to those who have one-speed, and nothing more, with little regard for what their partner wants. Like I’ve said before, “When I shop, I always buy the multi-speed.”

    I like posting the occasional shit-disturber posting here, but it’s partly why I’ve waited six months to bother posting this one. I know it’s a little one-sided, but I don’t give a shit enough to rework it. I know it’ll get sorted out in comments anyhow. Heh. I do love a comment debate.

    (Insert sneezing fit here. Wow. That was intense. An ex-lover used to say the sneeze was a “face-gasm.” Now, I dunno about that, but I shure feel bettah.)

    It was written for NYHotties’ audience, not mine, so I took a very different tact than I would normally. I try to be a little more balanced here. But hey, I felt like being a rebel. 🙂

    (And hey, if you like it on the pornified side all the time, then all the power to ya. I’m not judging. Whatever floats yer proverbial boat.)

  6. scribe called steff

    (Also, there’s a constructive reason for the whole shit-disturber POV up there… I mean, the “pornified” side has more than enough voices speaking for it in the sex blogger world. Taking a more vanilla POV is actually the ALTERNATIVE stance in this realm. Hey, the vanillas need a voice too, y’know. I’m middle of the road, I can provide that from time to time.)

  7. The Quiet Curmudgeon

    I agree with both points of view. People all have their different tastes, my wife and I included. Some times deep sensual and borderline tantric and other times we would be arrested for it in some States. (Thank god we are in Canada lol)

    However, to Steff’s defense my wife and I have often discussed how out in left field a lot of the porn is. I mean the whole “money shot” to the face EVERY TIME and the horking a luggy on the other’s fun bits, I don’t think I would ever want anyone to spit on my Johnson. We have also joked around that we should start up a porn production company that is more real to life, but our definition of real to life might be different. Good topic steff!

  8. Anonymous

    I’d like to hear some comments on porn “made for females”.

    I haven’t seen any, but a friend of mine has. Apparently, they didn’t do anything for her.

    Any female or male views?

  9. rachel

    Okay, this is probably a little too graphic, but… I don’t mind the hard fucking. I crave it sometimes. I don’t mind the spanking, even though it usually takes me by surprise when it happens. But coming on me? No.

    All it does it completely ruin the mood by taking me back to high school, when my then-boyfriend, now-husband thought that pulling out and shooting on me was the way to keep from getting me pregnant, and I’d have to very, very carefully make my way from the bed to the bathroom without touching anything, so that my mom wouldn’t find out what we were doing.

    And anything, anything at all, that brings up images or thoughts of my mother? Definite no-no.

  10. scribe called steff

    curmudgeon — see, therein lies the problem. most porn, a good chunk of sex blogs, etc, all seem to cater to the more experimental approach.

    there’s a middle ground that i think is often missed in all this, and those who are hardcore they feel neglected because society shuns them, and the really vanilla people don’t need a voice, really, but there’s a middle ground i find gets neglected when it comes to sex in the media. maybe that’s just my perception.

    either way, i’ll be doing a more balanced follow-up on this in the next while, along with a few others i plan on.

    anonymous — i’d love to see some, but never have, so i can’t comment. i’ve never been much of a porn coinnaisseur, really.

    rachel — not graphic at all, no worries. hard fucking rocks, absolutely. cumshots i dislike. i think aggressive sex is the bomb, but i like variety when it comes to pacing and style. keeps things interesting.

    interesting associations there, though — cumshots = thoughts of mom? hmm. that’s different. 🙂

    but yeah, cumshots are something i associate with high school too. interesting. never really thought of it that way.

  11. Mad Coyote

    Very entertaining thread.

    As a guy, I myself have never actually been into the cumshot thing; I think in movies, it’s more to say “yuh, it’s over” than anything else. But I personally don’t find much of anything visually pleasing about it, and besides, it feels SO MUCH BETTER inside (wherever “inside” may be).

    As for “female porn” can’t say I’ve necessarily seen any (or does No Boys Allowed 36 count?), but shows like Red Shoe Diaries, which cater more to the fantasy side of sex I’ve actually quite enjoyed, and find they’re usually far more “inspirational” to women than hardcore. Actually, I find they encourage role-playing, which can be a whole lot of fun and a major turn on in and of itself.

Comments are closed.