It’s been pointed out to me that the wipes discussed below are aimed at both sexes, which I already knew, but since I’m used to advertising telling me my vagina is foul, I’ll leave it up to boys to defend themselves.
What fresh, steamy hell is this?
I’ll give you a clue: It ain’t lavender-scented, bitches!
That stanky pile of shit you’re getting a whiff of is the latest advertising campaign by Playtex.
Like other beauty and hygiene companies, their cash-cow is in the form of hyping up our insecurities.
Wanna get laid? Make babies? Fulfill your dreams of love and destiny?
Better clean your snatch, baby. No man will have you if you smell normal. You’d better be smelling like roses and unicorns down there, girls, or you’ll die alone and wretched.
In short, Playtex wants you buying their wipes so you don’t offend the masses by smelling like a human being. You know, that smell that biologically is meant to attract men and signal our arousal? BAD. DON’T DO IT. EVER.
“A clean beaver always finds more wood”? No, a wet one does.
Their campaign has sent their misogynistic advertising company to the library on a quest for every dated, tired euphemism for “vagina,” because god knows the censors would never let any female bodyparts be uttered on daytime TV, and they’ve cranked out a series of offensive slogans, thinking women would find it cute, adorable, and true.
Because, hey, everyone knows women will respond positively if you use nice colours and pretty pictures. Lord knows we’d do anything to avoid taxing our pretty little heads with big thinky words or complicated concepts like empowerment, independence, or confidence.
Funny enough, there’s no proof these things do anything positive other than masking bodily odours with chemical ones. It doesn’t STOP the source, it just hides it for a while.
In fact, the odds of your getting yeast infections SKYROCKETS if you use these products.*
Then what happens? More shame over being human. More use of the product that actually causes the problem. Desperate use of yeast-infection products to solve the infection you’ve caused by using something unnatural to fight something natural. Either way, more money for the industry.
Whether it’s anal bleaching, vaginal wipes, or other cosmetic/chemical fixes for twats and penises, it’s all a sign of just how stupid we’re becoming.
Bleaching your ass because it looks like ass? Pretty dumb, people. Getting surgery to make your snatch look like a porn star’s? Infinitely stupid.
And using wipes doused in chemicals and maxed out with scents so you can avoid smelling the way you’re supposed to smell? Yep. Stupid.
If you’re not pissed off by this advertising campaign, then you’re a part of the problem. Period.
*As opposed to wiping with, say, apple cider vinegar, under $5 a bottle, whose smell evaporates in 30 seconds and which actually fights, and kills, yeast, and is good for you. Want portable wipes without giving into this misogynistic bullshit? Papertowel dampened with apple cider vinegar, carried in a Ziploc bag, will fight any infection-induced odours & help CURE you rather than perpetuate the problem.
Don’t forget to check out my new Victoria Lifestyle Blog, about my new city and home of choice: http://VanIsleStyle.com.
Absolutely brilliant post!
i was at the gym and turned the page of a women’s magazine i read only at the gym – target group women in their twenties (i am 54) – i was appalled – on so many levels!! – “beaver”, “clean” ( so “it” is dirty and needs cleaning?! – “clean where it counts?”i got off my cardio machine steaming and looking for a woman to share my outrage with – really? another product because we smell down there? so we are telling another generation of women, they are dirty and their natural aroma, phermones, etc are something to be ashamed of and hypervigilant about – i can only say – real men love real women who smell and taste like real women!
thank you for you post!
This is not really about your own article, but:
“Porn-industry imagery that presents only impossible genital perfection? Or the men who feed off this industry who now expect all vaginas to look like tiny, soft-pink silk mittens?”
I’D take a wild guess and say that he’s not very well acquainted with the porn business. Pretty little oyster cunts (yeah I like the word, sorry if it’s icky to a native who grew up with the notion of it being a filthy word) are definitely not the modal there.
“Normal” vaginas are fairly common amongst sex actresses. Being a successful female porn star is not about the size of your genitals.
As for your post, I have to admit I kinda liked the advert, but only for its humor. The idea behind it is atrocious, I’d never want her vagina to smell like jasmine or vanilla or citrus or something weird like that. Leave plant odours to plants, I want to fuck a human being, not an orchid. That would seem rather impracticable anyway.
Shaved legs I can understand, if only because it was nigh impossible for me to come upon a single unshaven woman leg in my formative years, but fake odours? I certainly don’t need it.
A carrion flower perfume would make for a great prank though.