Funny how we get so hung up on our hang-ups we sometimes don’t even notice when they’ve disappeared.*
I was fucking floored Thursday night when I realized the varicose veins I’d been loathing for the last year had suddenly vanished in the last couple months, thanks to my awesome new fitness regime. Poof, gone.
Ironically, I’d already bought some spring clothes last month — and no shorts shorter than knee-length. For what mighta been something that didn’t even need hiding. Silly, silly.
It makes me wonder how often we get stuck in our insecurities, fears, loathings, all out of habit, rather than reality. Is it as bad as we fear? Are we merely choosing to dwell in shadows rather than turn the light on and see what we’re really judging? Continue reading
Category Archives: Hygiene & Health
In Vino Veritas: I Fucking Rocked It
I had wanted to post this on Monday morning, having written it Sunday morning, but was having issues with getting footnoting working with this template of mine. And since the footnotes are where all the “funny” is in this posting, I wanted them working. Here you go! Finally.
It’s 5:05am. I’m not really drunk anymore, but with any luck I’ll be tipsy in a few. 1 This is a mighty big sunrise glass of wine I’ve poured, and there’s another to go.
Insomnia. Staring at a black ceiling. Mind whirling in a million directions — boys and summer and bikes and money and–and–and– 2
Continue reading
Existential Excavating: What Made Me What I Was
The hardest part of losing weight, I’m finding, is the challenge of identity.
Being fat isn’t just something that happens over the course of a month. Being fat, becoming as fat as I ever got, took me 25 years exactly. 25 years of daily contributing to an obviously ever-growing problem.
From an eight-year-old spending a summer with an unlimited flow of Mountain Dew and Pepsi at my aunt’s for the first time, I began the journey of Becoming Fat. Continue reading
So, How'd I Lose 70 Pounds? MY Weight-Loss Secret.
THIS POSTING’S DEDICATED TO ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY’RE STUCK BEING FAT. It’s not all hand-holding and gentle. I cut through the bullshit. You want your reality check? Start here. Oh, and I’m not selling a fuckin’ thing. I’m just trying to help you do what I’ve done, because it’s WORTH it.
I get a lot of people asking me how I lost my weight. Like there’s some magical store you can walk into, point, and say, “I know, I’ll do it THAT way.”
After a lifetime of being fat, trying shit, and finally figuring it out, you know what I think? There’s only one way to lose weight. Continue reading
The State of the Steff: Rolling Along
Hi!
Bear with me. I’ve just realized it’s been a week since I posted, and I still don’t really have anything to say… I’m sort of “percolating”, processing all of my life. It’s been a tumultuous couple of weeks, and I think my brain needs to catch up. Continue reading
Occam's Razor
Denis Leary was on Letterman the other night and was joking that he’d gone through five marriage counsellors that “sucked” before he found the sixth, who was awesome, but then he said that once he accepted he was wrong, everything went gr-r-r-reat with counselling.
I had to laugh.
I’ve been having the same epiphany of late.
For five straight days now, my back has improved every day. This doesn’t sound like much to you, but to me, this is life-altering. I have not had *two* days in EIGHT MONTHS where my back has improved each day, let alone five straight days. I’ve had a couple days where my back’s “felt good” here and there, but feeling good and improving are distinctly different experiences.
What changed? Continue reading
The Desire to be Spent
It’s before 7 on a Saturday morning. The naive plan was, I’d get up and go swimming. I’m up. My body tells me I’m a fucking fool. Sleep, it says.
So, I’m going to. I’ll go back to bed in a few. And I’m all right with that.
The reality is, though, that I’m starting to realize between last night and today, just how much this not-working-out thing is killing and deadening my soul.
It’s worse than not getting laid. Far, far worse. Continue reading
Bodies, Rest, & Motion
[Two postings, one day? Huh! Writing like this is better than any therapy appointment ever will be. 20 minutes later and I feel really free and loose. You may read this and feel bummed, but I feel great. This is what writing’s about. Getting places you didn’t think you could. It’s a good night.]
Short but profound realization that had me spontaneously break into tears and then suddenly feel relief. I don’t really understand it, yet, but since I’m into the wine, I also don’t want to forget it and think it could be interesting for others to read.
So I was sort of reflecting on a conversation from last night about why I should worry so much about my weight and my body, since I’m cute, but more importantly, I offer a lot. And I know all that, but I couldn’t really explain why it’s so important to me that I achieve what I want health-wise. And I don’t want anyone thinking that my pursuit to change myself is merely rooted in vanity, ‘cos I’m so much more than that.
Tonight, it hit me. Continue reading
Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News
Sex, even mere hanky-panky, is a workout.
All that squirming and groping and thrusting makes your whole body (if you’re doing it right) tense and flex. Maybe even throb a little.
Injuries can happen in sex. Hell, people die shagging when their hearts give out. From orgasm to aneurysm, just like that. Continue reading
Arousing — Er, Awaking the Beast
I’m at my breaking point, I suspect. My resolve isn’t very resolved anymore.
I have this incredibly awesome gift most people would KILL for. When I’m not sexually involved, I can flip my libido off like a lightswitch. It’s why I’m so content to not date. Because dating just toys with my resolve. Once I’m on the business end of a kiss? Whew.
Sooner or later, however, Requirements will need to be met. Continue reading