tweets | The Cunting Linguist

I’m currently stuck in that place between hating everyone and thinking I’m too brilliant to be in gen-pop.
There are no sharp objects on my desk today. This is good.
I’d be all Hulk-smashing the shit out of everything if only I could give enough of a fuck to do so. It’s that double-edged sword of anger and apathy that comes only from a really righteous chemical imbalance. Oh, PMS. A monthly license to hug all that is dark and vengeful within me.
Fortunately, I use my PMS evils for good — I blog. Sometimes. Rage is a lot more fun if you pepper it with humour, then share it with the world so others can commiserate and rail against the stupidness.
I’m trying to stay off social media, like Twitter, because I keep reading normal people saying normal things and then I want to punch the desk and shout YOU ARE A STUPIDHEAD. WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BREATHE?
Then I start wondering things like if there was some little ethical justification or litmus test where we could employ eugenics without incurring the wrath of the United Nations. Like, say, sterilize only people who are completely asshattedly-moronic but who have every opportunity to educate themselves and learn sciencey, facty thingies.
Then I remember that it’s hard to be immune to stupid people and even stupid people could wind up in charge of a eugenics program and start sterilizing people willy-nilly, and so I give up on this little Utopian stupid-free fantasy of mine.
Still, one could argue that the skyrocketing population of 7 billion humans on Earth might suggest that maybe, just maybe, a little indiscriminate stupidity-suppression could improve the planetary futures. Less stupid people, more oxygen, better climate control? Sounds good to me. I know I don’t need them adding more carbon dioxide to the mix with their ignorant antics.
Take stupid people who don’t believe in Climate Change, who insist on things like “coal rolling” to make this ignorant fucking point scream loudly, they make my head explode. Everything I think is wrong with the planet, people like them are causing it. They’re a carte blanche raison d’etre when it comes to unpopular ideas like eugenics and sterilization.
Or maybe we could just sterilize all the annoying entitled people. You know, the kinds who snap “Don’t you know who I am?” — especially when they’re just another asshat with a healthy following on social media. Or other entitled folk who feel there’s nothing wrong with embezzling, theft, and all those other groovy crimes.
Then there’s racist assholes. We don’t need them, either.
I’m just tired of all the jerks in the world. And the stupid people. And the stupidity with which jerks are explained away by stupid people who don’t have the guts to end it.

For instance, Ray Rice, who plays football for the Baltimore Ravens. In a supposedly “mutual” attack in May, the big, hulking football star was found on tape dragging his unconscious wife out of an elevator. The NFL thought this horrible thing was so horrible they decided to make him miss a whole horrible two games as punishment.
But what galled me today was hearing that his arrival on the gridiron at training camp resulted in fans cheering loudly. And I’m also annoyed the team has yet to delete a tweet from May 23rd in which they state the wife “regrets” her role in the “incident.” Because, yeah, getting hit is so inconsiderate. Being dragged across a hall, that’s just rude. How dare she?
At least some of the fans called out the organization for their ridiculous victim-blaming. Way to rock the public relations game, Ravens.
Or, hey, maybe it’s just all my feministing raging hormones that are stupid, and this kind of assoholic behaviour is the norm. Maybe I need to suck it up and accept that we live in a world of narcissistic asshatted entitlement, and that’s just the way it rolls.
But no.
Lucky for us all, I’m Irish-Canadian and too stubborn to think those stupidheaded assholes are in the right or deserving of tolerance. In my world, it’s not okay to be entitled, violent, ignorant, stupid, rude, bullying, or mean.
Those behaviours will never be okay.
And if it’s only once a month that it unleashes a Hulk-Smashy-Ragey thing in me so I scream and rail at the gods about the Stupidheads Wrecking Everything, then so be it. Once a month I will rail and curse the cosmos and demand better.
Anger — it’s a good thing. If it causes just one person to recognize their ignorant, stupid ways, and it helps them be a little less of a dick, then it’s all worth it. I’m more than willing to Hulk-Smash my way to a better, kinder world, one stupidhead at a time. Are you?

WAHOO! @catherineomega fixed all my server issues that have been cocking up my WordPress blog. I's glad I fed her. Brain fuel! #
WALKING AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER NOW. Must stretch, sleep, get up in 5.75 hours. Fuck. Work! Then acupuncture & a 3-day weekend. I'll live. 😀 #
Goodnight, world. #
Screw you and the horse ya rode in on, Morning. But since you're a Friday in disguise on what's my 3-day long weekend, you can live. #
Cdn SYTYCD Judge to a male dancer looking to make the finals, dancing in a Tarzan-like loincloth:
"Only if I can borrow the dress!" #
RT @mr_tits_pervert Riding the new CanadaLine this morning, handing out free Starbucks coffee coupons. Look for the green apron!! #
My carpool calls, 6:22am. I answer, "Aww. You're not running late?" "You want me to be?" #
"Yeah, noon's good." #
Woo, off to Broadway via Canada Line from Yaletown–three minutes!! Wow. #
Amazing. Used to schedule 1-1.5 hrs for a workday doc's appt, and now I'll be able to do it in 35-45 min. http://twitpic.com/emvub #
Walk your broke ass AWAY from the bookstore, Steff. #
Acupuncture: How to Be a Human Pincushion, demonstration by Steff, will now be taking place in Room 201. #
OMG, so glad I'm busing! My acupuncturist put about 30 needles all over, and I'm relaxed but disoriented. This'll be interesting. #
A roadside motorcyclist's memorial near home that I'd never noticed before: http://twitpic.com/enhsi #
iHome, iPeed, iHappy. #
H-o-l-y s-h-i-t! The landlord I love to hate replaced my leaky sink, & dude who did it did a beautiful job & cleaned the cupboard for me! #
One of my best friends just joined Twitter, yay, it's @Two_Wheeled, another of my friends-for-15-plus-year types. 🙂 #
Maybe now when I wash a sink full of dishes, a puddle won't run out into the middle of my wee galley kitchen. How enthralling! #
Tomato salad and bread, wine. Nothing else. Too tired, lazy, and happily complacent. A damn fine night to be chilling home alone. Yay! #
Book + Deck + Wine = Noticing my proverbial cloud with its silver lining. Blustery from where I sit. Me likey. http://twitpic.com/eo77k #
A nap is required before I can/will finish my glass of wine. Really, I don't mind. I'm selfless like that. #
[WHIRR]
(Dustbuster roars, stops)
(Steff stares at limp giant moth)
"Gonna fly now? Huh? No Rocky Theme for you."
#NotABuddhist #
TIP FOR MOTHS: Do NOT go gently into thy good light, even if it is a pretty stained lamp in the window, for Steff has a Dustbuster. #
Morning, world! I should be pissed that I'm awake at 7 on my 3-day weekend Friday morning, BUT… I fell asleep at 11 and got EIGHT hours! #
My Big Goal this weekend: To find some nice stretch vinyl to recover my scooter seat with. It's as tattered as my pride is riding it! #
YAY for action! Fuckheady The Garbage Truck Driver who BACKS UP with his alarm screeching for TWO BLOCKS prompted me to call his dispatch. #
I was polite but communicative, and they're gonna have a CHAT with the dude. #
My iPhone doesn't always come up to full brightness all the time. Disconcerting. Thinking of taking it back. I should, right? #
Living in the same hood as your best friend doesn't lose any coolness as time passes. 8 years & I still love @mr_tits_pervert dropping by. #
#Translink, your process of getting bike lockers for the #CanadaLine is about as 1982 as it gets. I have to MAIL a CHEQUE in? Really? #
Who has cheques anymore? How does one do this "mail" thing? Seriously, can't you hire a programmer, get an online app, & credit card/debit? #
The Lord of the Rings–New Zealand man finds his wedding ring at sea after 16 months. Determined! Romantic. http://bit.ly/q7d9e #
#Vancouvertweetup SATURDAY at 5, to cycle to Rmd Night Market on the new bridge! Pls RT. http://bit.ly/ggbjz #
Hatching a plan to make a tandoori pizza later with Turkish lamb sausage from Oyama's. Now that's some serious fusion fitting of beer. #
[Sending psychic vibes out to the whole of Vancouver — now is NOT a good time to take your children to Superstore, moms. Thanks!] #
Ooh! My juju-voodoo attempts worked, no screaming crying kids at Superstore! Note to self: Next time telepathically request hotties to shop. #
Gee, #FIDO, I'm sure to have a fantastic weekend now that you've fucked up, DIDN'T cancel my preauth payment, and withdrew $600 from me. #
ASSHATS. #
"We can refund it but it'll take 20+ days, by cheque." Oh? Or my BANK can take it back on Monday. ASSHATS. You don't have a COMPUTER? #
We now bring you to the emotional eating part of my day. All I've had is about 200 calories today, so way too much stress on empty tummy! #
Eggs, hash browns, bacon, and toast. What I used to consider a "good" breakfast back in my bad old fattyer days. #
Emotional eating, for the tummy win. #
Countries where women think domestic violence against them is acceptable: http://www.feministing.com/archives/017314.html #
Yay for sunny nights. The skies are parting, as is my mood. I shall get a ride in later on, after my fat-fat-fatty breakfast settles. 🙂 #
Win a new Canon 5DMKII (or $2500 Gift Cert) from @OPGear & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Details here: http://bit.ly/BqU8N #photog #
I haven't had a big hashbrowns-eggs-toast-bacon meal in a long time. I'm all sluggish now. Trying to get psyched to cycle in this k-rad sun. #
K-rad. Snicker. I wanna watch Bill & Ted or something now. DUDE. If anyone says "gnarly" to me tonight, I'm gonna fall down laughing. #
I am off to reckon with my fatty 3:00 breakfast, cycle the new Vancouver skytrain bridge's bike path, & soak up a little sun. Pics to come. #
I have a giant cow-pattern pill-shaped beanbag that's about 4-5ft round that I'll sell for $50… http://twitpic.com/es915 #
I've overestimated how much the clouds had parted. Some of these are opening up. Time to PEDAL soon methinks. http://twitpic.com/esbfi #
The new skytrain has awesome hands-free cycle parking onboard. SHERRY! #
That was supposed to read SHWEET, but iPhone trumped me before I noticed. Sigh. #
Having a foodie antisocial night tonight.Gonna make an "Indian" pizza, then some fudge later. Test-batch for a party tomorrow. #
I've just made fudge… before dinner. Bittersweet moment. I thought this recipe died with my mother 10yrs ago, & found it 2 wks ago. 🙂 #
I haven't licked one of these fudge spoons in at least 10 years. Awesome. #
Caramelizing onions for a first attempt at "Indian" pizza — garlic naan, tikka masala, leftover tandoori chicken, onions, peppers, feta. #
My tandoori-tikka masala-naan "pizza", and if it's any good, I'll post the recipe. http://twitpic.com/esyz7 #
Tandoori-masala pizza with beer, for the motherfucking win! #
"More," the belly demanded.
"As you wish," said its head. #
My tandoori chicken pizza recipe has been posted. Hope you like it too. http://smuttyeats.tumblr.com/ #
OMG, my brother and dad are stopping by all impromptu. WEIRD. But, okay. 🙂 Gotta clean up. #
Dad's all proud I've been posting photos of bookshelves he made, on Fcbk, & people've been raving, so he wants to see how good they look. 🙂 #
So I guess I'll move the book about sex off the kitchen table before Dad takes a seat in 20 minutes. WHEW. Thank god I'm tidying. #
Nice seeing my brother and dad for a change. We haven't been able to connect much in the last year, just an hour visit, but it was nice. #
My fudge was a fail — but I'm sure I blew the sugar measurements. I'll try it again tomorrow. 🙂 #
My dad, a lifelong contractor, was BLOW AWAY by the "iHandy Level" app in iPhone. LOL. #
I'm enjoying my night. Keeping it simple, real, lazy. Is good. Nice to show my new decor to fam. Approval is fun. 🙂 #
There's a feeling of an autumn come too soon on the night wind. I'm fumbling for a blanket, with the lights low. #
Watching Style by Jury and getting al misty eyed. I love it when the makeovered folks have a life-altering epiphany then live BOLDLY. #
Up early, tackling the laundry. This being-human-but-not-rich thing is a REAL DRAG when I gotta do Cinderelly shit like this. #
But I don't have much of it to do. 😀 #
I require nuts for fudge. I'm off to the store. Get my fudge & laundry done, then I can relax for a few hours before cycling & party. 🙂 #
Making my version of the $3.95 greasy spoon breakfast. And black-as-night coffee. #
Nibbling my still cooking hash browns is exciting. Using "Smokey Carribean Rub" from the Edible BC Store on GranIsle, by Maple Leaf Spices. #
Mm, coffee, you complete me. #
I wish my vehicles were made by the people who make TV vehicles. Those have indestructible suspension! No one ever slows for bumps! #
The light is suddenly growing rich and warm. Clouds are cooperating. My place feels alive with colour. Love it. Time to write, methinks. #
But whatever to write about? #
I gotta make fudge. This song's perfect: slow-building, ends intense. Awesome. Grant Lee Buffalo for music geeks. http://tinysong.com/7DFC #
God, I hope this works. Threw out my measuring cups in the great purge & forgot to buy. Winging the fudge: http://twitpic.com/evp9y #
The texture is much better than yesterday's fudge attempt! Yay. Brown sugar-walnut fudge dusted with sea salt. http://twitpic.com/evtqr #
What is it that makes eating the fudge or cookie dough from the containers they're made in so much more fun than the finished product? #
Nomnomnomming this pan and spoon to death. Fudge is yum. #
TONIGHT'S CYCLING TWEETUP IS CANCELLED as the only person who'd committed can't make it. 😛 #
Thank god, it looked like there was more left in the fudge pot than I thought. I think we'll be all right without a stomach pump after all. #
Oof, even that bit of fudge is too intense now that I don't eat much sugar in my old age. Holy shit. How my mother scarfed it down, I dunno. #
Headache. Laundry's four floors down. Folding that, then a nap. Lazy Saturday begins NOW. #
I love how SYTYCD Canada makes a big fuss over "why" they've chosen to look in X city. Hello? It's Canada. There's, like, 6 cities of note. #
Best "review" of "Fresh whole rabbit" on e-Bay, http://bit.ly/d4p5w
(orig via @colleencopick) #
Ooh. I was hoping I'd get 30 or so pieces of praline for the party tonight but I think there's more than 50. Yay. Here's to deceptive pans! #
Oh, headache, you're so stupid. #
I know *exactly* what my headache needs: A muscle relaxant, a brown ale, toast, and cheese. #
Beerdrinker, heal thyself. #
When someone is on transit in latex gloves, I worry. http://twitpic.com/eyag2 #
How do you fit 35 people into a 500 sq ft apartment party? Intimately. #
I finally kicked the unruly @hummingbird604 and @colleencoplick out of my home. Some people. 🙂 #
So bacon cures hangovers, eh? Hmm. #
Oh, how cute. Friendster is still emailing me updates sometimes. Oh, the nostalgia one feels from visiting their "spam" box. #
Finally getting my kitchen cleaned after all my cooking yesterday. The migraine hit and stopped all progress. THIS is better. #
When walking around in flip-flops makes a sound like you've walked into a spanking parlour, you know your floors need cleaning. #
Not flippy-floppy so much as smacky. I blame the pralines-making. Sugar is EVERYWHERE. #
Dropping a glass and catching it 4" before the ground? YEAH, BABY. I've missed my calling, I should've totally been cast in The Matrix! #
I seem to recall once being able to write funny stuff. Time for an experiment! Can one go home again? Rather, can one go funny again? #
I think I've talked my world-travelling 75-year-old aunt into getting an iPhone. That will just crack me up. #
Very slowly getting into finishing what I started yesterday. Hydrating. Gonna take a late day bikeride. I'm jazzed. It's a good "me" Sunday. #
Correction: It's a fucking awesome Sunday. Is yours? 'Cos it's a choice. #
Grooving. Not cleaning so much as productively dancing. Bop-bop-shimmy-shimmy. #
The best most overplayed song ever, Lust for Life. Bop-bop shimmy-shimmy bop-bop-bop. Bop. http://tinysong.com/6XDV #
Just cleaned my cream-coloured leather furniture for the first time in months. Gleams. Soft. Lovely. Time to stretch, chill, then ride! #
WOW. #Vancity ROCKS. They reversed #Fido's wrongful automatic withdrawal of nearly $600 within 24 hrs when Fido said it'd take 20 days. #
WAAAAY too slothlike for a bikeride. Taking a nice sunny walk around the hood instead. And finding onions, etc for burrito-making. #
Freaking out, lost my wallet. This wasn't the turn my day needed. Hopefully it's in @COlleenCoplick's car or @julesjulesjules' place. #
Sigh. No wallet with @colleencoplick and that leaves one hope. Naturally
I lose it on the rare occasion I have WAY more than $20 in it. #
-Can I get a cheeseburger, no pickles, that's all, to go, please?
-Is that everything?
-Yeah, that's all.
-For here?
-To GO.
Sigh. Service. #
Majorly grumpy mood now that my wallet's gone. Just didn't need this right now. Of course it'll pass but it's still shitty TONIGHT. #
Filling for chipotle black bean & chicken fajituritos (burrito meets fajita) I'm assembling tomorrow for lunches. http://twitpic.com/f2njy #
Super-duper-spicy chipotle burrito filling, for the win. Tomorrow I make Spanish rice and a little fresh salsa, and put them all together. #
Should be about 12 burritos for about $20, with really healthy, non-processed ingredients. Easy healthy lunches for the win. #
In my fragile grumpy state I am embracing my inner whiny self and watching a snivelly teen drama, Save the Last Dance. And I'm okay with it. #
Life's difficulties always seem so much simpler when watching melodramatic teen movies where even homeroom is a catastrophe. #
BUTohmigodifhedoesn'tlikemeIwilljustDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE. /end teen movie simulation #
It's been a topsy-turvy weekend; at least I still get to chill with Le Red Wall. The gift that keeps giving. http://twitpic.com/f31ab #
The top 20 in SYTYCD Canada rock. There's about 7-8 I'm already a fan of. Yay! #

The Cunting Linguist

It seems I always have something on the tip of my tongue.

Tag Archives: tweets

Twitter Rehash for 2009-09-03

Rehashing The TweetStream

Rehashing The TweetStream