"Pounded Like a Cheap Steak": Your Thoughts on Rough Sex?

I wonder how many of you have ever read a book about sex. Not something erotic, but an instructional how-to type book on gettin’ heavy. Me, I’ve delved into a few over time. Right now, I’m jumping through different chapters of Paul Johannides’ classic sex tome, “The Guide to Getting it On.” Whatever question you have about sex, it has likely been answered by Paul.
This chick gives it five stars. It’s one of the best out there. Here’s a quote Paul cites from Clean Sheets, the online erotica magazine:
“Why is it that some men just can’t deal with the idea that a smart, together, professional woman like me can actually deserve their respect and still want to be thrown down on the couch and pounded like a cheap steak now and then?”
Heh. Well, that’s a very good question, honey. We all like a little steak now and then. Mm. I think guys are more hip to the duality of today’s woman than they’ve ever been, but maybe I’m an optimist.
Can the guys out there comment on whether knowing a chick likes it a little rough and dirty compromises how you perceive her in the “real” world? Chicks, can you comment on whether you feel this is less the case now than before, or whether you’ve noticed a change in perception of you after your sexual preferences have escaped?
(the photo isn’t from The Guide. the images in there are all cartoons, this was found on the web by moi, taken by photog David Perry. I think it’s kinda hot, but it may bother some of you. Feel free to comment.)

19 thoughts on “"Pounded Like a Cheap Steak": Your Thoughts on Rough Sex?

  1. papamamba

    Duality is a turn on. A secret life, an interior, is what make a girl interesting. (among many other things, obviously)
    This started way back, my first girlfriend with sex included, such a good girl, organised and way more together than me, sweet even, one day she asked in the middle of sex, ‘please, stick your finger in my bum’. Not the most outlandish request but man it turned me on! Not at all expected. I looked at her with more respect after that ‘cos she knew what she wanted in ALL areas of her life and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. So now the ability to surprise is a prized virtue in a girlfriend.
    And that is a sexy photo, as long as I know a) that she wanted it and b)i’m next.

  2. Anonymous

    I thought the photo was sexy and agree with the first responder that it’s sexy assuming she wanted to be bound and agreed. Wanting and agreeing may be two different things.
    Does a girl wanting a bit of rough sex turn me off. No, it’s in the way it’s asked. Several of the lovers in my life have asked for rougher sex from time to time but I’ve always not wanted to hurt them.

  3. Sazzle

    If you let on to people that you like a little bit of naughtiness they tend not to take you as seriously. However, I do think a secret naughtiness is a huge turn on.

  4. figleaf

    Great question, Steff. The short answer is no, the middle one is sort of yes, the long answer is no again.

    Short: No.
    Middle: For a while, just before I started reading blogs, I had a hard time believing that genuinely powerful autonomous women sincerely liked it rough… that they were, I don’t know, reverting or something.
    Long: For most of my sexually mature life I’ve believed that women’s preferences in bed didn’t really relate to their public persona. I was quite aware of BDSM but typically my encounters involved pretty dramatic role-playing and I assumed it was the role-playing rather than actually being rough that was erotic. (Projecting again said the service top.) Then I started meeting all these wonderfully strong women online who enjoyed *really* being dominated and roughed up in bed, not for the roleplaying but for the sensation. And I was shocked (see middle answer.) And then I figured it out again (see short answer.)

    Hope that helps.

    Take care,


  5. mango

    If a guy changed his perceptions of me because of a sexual preference or fantasy of mine, that’d be it. I couldn’t date someone so narrow-minded. That said however, I have dated guys who I haven’t told my sexual preferences/fantasies to because I didn’t trust them enough. I am no longer with any of them.

  6. Bard X

    Despite being a vegetarian, I can (and do) respect respectable, together women who want a little steak. It definitely breeds optimism cuz this would be a sad place if everyone was as bland & blase as they seem in the daily superficial meetings as we bump into each other in the fast-faced corporate culture.

    I just wish I could find some type of x-ray specs to get a better idea of who might have a little freak tucked behind their sensible shoes & tidy coifs.

    I agree w/ juicy m cuz there are peeps that haven’t gotten full disclosure from me- uptight, unadventurous & close-minded just ain’t my thing. It must be the whole going through the motions, restraint thing. It’s waay more fun sharing the parts that make you giddy, n’est pas.

  7. Anonymous

    I don’t like the picture because I was involved briefly with a man who saw me as an object, a desk toy to live out his fantasies with… but there was no caring for me, no wanting to give me pleasure. He grabbed me from behind once and said “I’m going to hog tie you” and it scared me, and totally turned me off. Luckily, it didn’t happen.

    Mind you, I like it when someone grabs a handful of hair and f*cks my mouth hard, but only if I can trust in him to care about wanting to give ME pleasure either before or after


  8. Mikey

    I hope that as more people people cum out of the dark ages spiritually and sexually they will see that sex is something MADE to be enjoyed– a sport if you will. Some want Xtreme sports and some only want to play golf on the weekends. Some like to play billiards one on one (or with themselves), some want to play team sports with a bunch of people. But we don’t look down on people and change the way we veiw them in life on the kinds of sport they like….. I hope.

  9. Darkwingcanuck

    I wonder if it’s so much a matter of the duality escaping men, or if it’s really that the duality has divided women.

    I, for one, have no problem with women enjoying sex in a variety of ways, but have found that highly sexual women are often treated as immoral by other women It’s as though having an open desire for sexual gratification makes some women treat others the way women complain men treat them: like undervalued meat.

    Personally, I would prefer a woman who knows what she wants in bed, rough or kinky or otherwise.

  10. scribe called steff

    PAPA — I like what you said: “I looked at her with more respect after that ‘cos she knew what she wanted in ALL areas of her life and wasn’t afraid to ask for it.” Very cool.

    ANON — Yes, very good, wanting and agreeing ARE two very different things. Great point!

    SAZZLE — Yeah, I agree. Most people, if they knew you had some sexual skeletons in your closet would probably judge you somewhat harshly, and presume you don’t really know what you want/need.

    FIGLEAF — It’s surprising how common things like rape fantasies are, and I guess it all comes down to knowing the difference between allowing someone to violate you versus allowing someone to humiliate and repress you, and I think the difference is drastic.

    PHILIP — Well, the doctors know best.

    JAZZ — Actually, I agree, but I guess it’s the photographer’s attempt at genuity. Me, I’d have been happy with just a tire iron in there. The jerry can and such does sort of wreck it. Absolutely.

    JUICY — I agree. Some people have challenges accepting the difference between someone’s fantasy life and who they really are. And your point about trust is excellent, too.

    BARD — Amazing what people are like behind closed doors. I think I’m still waiting for the person I can completely let all my guards down with. Let’s hope the day is nigh.

    C — More good points. It has to be based in pleasure, in mutual enjoyment, and if it’s not, then it’s coming from the wrong place and needs to be questioned.

    MIKEY — Yes, the dark ages. Not sure we’re out of them yet, but hopefully we’re moving towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Time will tell. It’s a strange time to be horny.

    DARK — Yeah, you’re right, women can be real cunts to each other. It’s ridiculous. I’m not sure where that comes from, but I’ve seen some really petty exchanges between women all based in judgments each has regarding the other. I’ve been a victim of it often, since other chicks get intimidated by my strength, independence, and lack of fondness for “girly” things. We do a real disservice to each other that way.

    As far as simply preferring a woman (or man, in my case) to know what she likes, rough, kinky or otherwise, I agree, but only to the extent that he/she is openminded and has either considered the situation intelligently, or has tried it before judging it. Having limitations without being informed about things tends to be a big turn-off for me, since it’s essentially ignorance in action.

  11. brecher1

    If two people have a good relationship, share enough about themselves and want to let go and try new things, including BDSM and such, as long as the parties are enjoying it, it makes for a better world. We’ve found that this kind of thing has spiced up our life tremendously. And if anyone has any ideas they can post on other ways to bring variety to our sex life, please do. That’s what we troll these sites for.

  12. T

    It took me a minute to realize that the woman was in the trunk of a car. Hogtied – good. Trunk of the car – too much effort, really.

    I’ve always felt that knowing what you want in bed, kinky or not, is a real turn on. Self-confidence in any area of your life is a turn on, at least to me. I recently had a discussion about lifestyle bdsm, as opposed to ‘just in the bedroom.’ Lifestyle is where the sub extends that submissiveness to all areas of their life – from the clothes they wear to what they eat at dinner. I hadn’t really thought about it much, but after talking to her, I realized that it really, truly isn’t my thing. Beyond the fact that I have no interest in being responsible for every decision in someone’s life, what attracts me most is smart, capable women who are dominant and successful in their public persona. The fact that they sub in private is a good thing, not only because it’s sexy that they are comfortable with what they want (and that it compliments my own desires) but the contrast between public and private personas is really hot.

    So, I guess the short answer is ‘no’ – the fact that someone likes it dirty doesn’t effect my view of them in a negative way. It is likely to effect my view in a positive way, as at the very least, I see them as a more interesting person.

  13. The Seeker

    People tell me to read you all the time. Now, I know why. In response to your question (I think)…. It’s hard to know when a woman wants to be hammered like a piece of meat. Women overall, don’t communicate their desire so well. They like to bitch afterwards to their friends or their blogs… Hello, Ladies… TELL US!!!!! WE’LL DO IT!!!!!

  14. KF

    Honestly? I think a woman is a lot more attractive and, dare I say it, arousing, if she’s a confident women in her professional life (including college, which is fine for me because I’m 23). It doesn’t really make me think of her any differently for sexual purposes than a girl who’s very shy and nervous in the professional world. I’ve known ladies of both kinds, and they were all pretty damn kinky and sexual.

    To answer the question properly, I think that – to me, anyway – it doesn’t really matter if a girl is rough ‘n dirty. That’s a part of her private life, and I don’t see her as a different person when I find out about such details. In fact, I think most people have their own special kind of kinky/dirty/rough/crazy/weird trait or traits, that’s just part of it all, though. The odd parts of our very being, our essence, are the things that make us complete, make us human, make us real. I like finding out such “secrets” about women, I feel that it makes me get to know them _for real_.

    If anything, my perception of them could only grow into a fonder liking of them – for letting me get toknow them better and being open and honest.

  15. Anonymous

    Actually, it reminds me of something that happened here (in Albury) not so long ago: boy in bikegang, meets girl. Girl has his baby. Boy angry, prolly on speed. Bashes, rapes girl. Ties her up puts her in boot of car. Baby left unattended at home for the days his mother was absent, in boot of car. Girl almost dies. Is rescued. Boy goes to gaol. Girl gets special consideration on her high school results and is given a place at uni and needs regular counselling.

  16. Mad Coyote

    First of all, let me say the comment above is quite horrifying that something like that should happen and the guy in question should be castrated.

    Secondly, let me say Anonymous there has obviously missed the point of this blog and the picture attached to it.

    Now, as it’s some months since this thread came to exist, I’m not sure if anyone will read it, but I’d still like to contribute my thoughts.

    I myself have always been attracted to muscular women. Not exclusively to them, but a woman with a set of pipes on her totally turns my crank.


    Because the thought of a woman who could take me out to the woodshed and whoop my ass WILLING SUBMITTING to me is such a turn on, I don’t even how to explain it here. For me, the eroticism of power comes from willing surrender, not forced acquiescence; to know she WANTS me to “take” her is the real turn on.

    Which really means I prefer stronger women (personality/character-wise); with one of weaker character, the question comes up, “Does she want to do this? Or is she only doing it because I want to?”

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