Love Will Conquer All, Baby

I was reading something just before bed, stated by the venerable clothing designer Karl Lagerfeld, in answer to the soon-to-come fashion onslaught of heavy, dark clothing that’s to be replacing the light, fun, and airy lines we’ve been enjoying of late. Lagerfeld said, “If you read the daily papers, you are not in the mood for pink and green.”
If you are what you wear, are we as a society becoming depressed? Valium and Lithium and Prozac, oh my.
I’d lay my cash on a big, fat yes, but hey, what do I know? I’m just a formerly depressed not-even-yuppie who’s an observer, not a player.
Depression’s out there. Hell, even the upcoming ankle-length hemlines are screaming it. We’re depressed. As a people, we need to get happy. This war shit’s bringing us all down. We got Vice Presidents running around shooting good citizens. Gas prices are nuts. The Canadian economy’s strong enough to be a steamroller. Clearly, it is the end of times, and our nerves are a tad frazzled.
Me, I say the cure is sex.
Okay, let’s look at this, then. Stress and self-esteem issues, as well as external factors (thus the stress) cause depression, as do biochemical issues. Right? Sex is good for the nerves, great for the self-esteem — (especially if you can get ‘em to scream your name. Hmm. I really have to stop falling for the strong, silent types. My ego’s taking a hit.) – and releases endorphins.
In all seriousness, studies have shown we’re all at an all-time touch deficit. I’ve been hooking up with some guys of late, lots of great dates, no seconds, but I’ve kissed (uh, to coin a phrase) every one of ‘em. Life’s too short not to share a kiss (or something) or stretch it out over three or four hours. Sex? Nice but not needed. Making out does wonders for the self-esteem. Gets the juices flowing, the pulse racing. It’s the very definition of alive. No one should have to go without. I’m going into withdrawal, days without a kiss. A necking session would hit the spot, but I know what else would, too.
In a world where there’s famine and war and natural disasters and poverty and stupid religious extremism and pettiness… shouldn’t you at least be getting laid?
I for one applaud the relatively recent revival of the “Make Love, Not War” campaign. I need to get me a button, man. I’m willing to sacrifice myself to the cause. I will have sex in the name of peace, and soon. Afterwards, we’ll spoon, smoke a joint, drink some absinthe, and listen to Imagine, followed by White Rabbit, and some Dark Side of the Moon. Is there anybody out there?
Maybe this whole Iraq thing was just what the Sexuality Movement needed. Drop some bombs, shed some innocent lives, get the tempers flaring back home, have the pacifists realize they’re really pissed off but since they’re pacifists, they can’t go out back and shoot beer cans off the fence, so, instead, they smoke fatties and fuck.
Who knows. Maybe Bush did the right thing after all. I don’t fucking know. I do know that everyone getting a little more action would probably be not such a bad thing. Me, I always liked the fact that Clinton was getting head in the Oval Office. I figured he’d at least be relaxed enough to make the rational choice in any scenario that unfolded.
I think anyone in power with lives in their hands should absolutely be on a sex quota. They must be gone down on once every eight days, minimum, and are entitled to sex twice per week, minimum, with no less than 28 minutes foreplay each time. Sure. As a start. With time on the job, age, and increased responsibility, the sex allotment increases. Like a health plan or any other benefit.
Yeah, I don’t know what the hell the problem is, but I know sex is the solution.
Pity the new fashion scene’ll be here soon and skin will be a thing of the past. But, brothers and sisters, we shall overcome. Right?
*Yeah, I’m a pinko lefty with a loathing for the war and a disdain for both the American and new Canadian regimes. I mean, does it sound like I have conservative sex? C’mon! Get real. You knew this. You like me anyway. I’m the good kinda libertarianish type.

12 thoughts on “Love Will Conquer All, Baby

  1. Spicy Little Pi

    “So instead, they smoke fatties and fuck!” Amen, sister.

    I do think more muff action would be good for my bosses around here…so stuffy and up-tight.

    Shit, go beat-off in the bathroom er something until the Sexual-Quota Health Plan takes effect…

  2. The Emissary of the Twin Arts

    This deserves a giant ‘Amen, sister.’

    I find myself depressed a lot. About 25% of that comes from when I can’t stop thinking about all the political stuff. I’ve spent the past five years of my life studying politics and economics and my outlook on both is pretty dim. I just wish that the people running things had names ending in Ph. D. (and I wish that the education system was set up for that to mean something). The fact that I can barely bring in enough money to support myself thanks to the crummy job market doesn’t help that much either.

    The rest of my depression comes from boredom. It’s kind of sad that it seems to take so much to entertain us these days. We’re always looking for the new and novel. But at the same time, nobody capable of creating anything to entertain us is in the appropriate financial position. Everything out there seems half-assed, and it always seems to turn out that if I want anything fun, I have to do all the work so everyone else can have fun.

    I’m a big nerd. As in, I can say “live long and prosper” with a straight face… and actually mean it. So my entertainment tends to take the usual forms. But over the past few years, I’ve been increasingly disappointed by everything I used to enjoy, and it’s really sad.

    Books: I’ve had to go back to the classics, things I’ve read dozens of times, just to enjoy it. Frank Herbert, Guy Gavriel Kay (“The Lions of Al-Rassan” I cannot recommend this book highly enough. This is what a romance novel *should* be.), etc. But increasingly you get people selling out or milking the franchise at the expense of the writing. Robert Jordan went downhill fast, and the latest Terry Brooks novel left me horrified at the lack of creativity. It is my mission in life to correct this trend. I will publish someday.

    Movies: There has been nothing original or creative released since Serenity. Period. Everything is sequels or comic books or remakes. Nobody seems to have an original thought in their head anymore. But as long as people throw their money into stupid movies, Hollywood will crank them out.

    Games: Yes, I’m a nerd, I play video games. Blizzard has entered the ranks of George Lucas for screwing up something that was impossible to screw up in World of Warcraft. I’d love to be hired by them and given the chance to fix their problems, because I know I could. But it’s the same thing as the movies and books. Why try when they’ll pay anyway? It even extends to the face-to-face world with a person I started playing with who doesn’t quite understand what it means to be a game master and play *with* people instead of *against* them. That’s what’s been killing me this last week, because it had so much promise, but ended up petering out. I’m going to have to quit, because I don’t need another source of stress in my life.

    And it seems that even with sex we’re always needing the new and novel to keep us entertained. That’s why I come here and read all the great things that you write. The attitude is just so *refreshing* that even as I sit here pondering the demise of the one thing that I looked forward to each week, it doesn’t feel so bad.

    And I start to get that little quirky smile on my face as I peer across the desk at my lovely brown-haired girl and think that this might be just the right moment to sneak over there and surprise her…

    *looks up at the giant block of text* Oops, sorry, another long tome. I’ve really got to stop doing that.

  3. Jim

    Bush is a jackhole and Clinton had the right idea. Bush has the majority of our soldiers in Iraq directing traffic and getting blown apart by car bombs. Makes me wish I had gone to Canada in ’66 instead of getting drafted. Love your proposed health plan. Keep up the great prosery.

  4. scribe called steff

    Pi —
    Yep. Didja hear? I’m running for office with the Sexual Quota Health Plan as a platform under me.

    Yeah, I’ll show ya a platform, buddy.

    That’d be the easiest election ever, huh? “I GUARANTEE SEX!”

    “It’s a landslide, Citizens. Meet Leader Steff!”

    Emissary —
    I hope you woke her up. 🙂

    But yeah, the state of the world today… we’re living in a different time, a different civilization than we ever could’ve expected. I’ve been having some interesting thoughts about the modern man, the so-called feminism, and what it’s doing to us both, but it’s a really hard topic and I have to handle it with care, but basically, I think men today are lost at sea, and sex is one of the only things that helps hold you guys together.

    Sex is important shit, but because of its carnal image, because of the media, because of the religious folk, because of the so-called Wrath of God in the form of STDs, etc — we’re scared of it, we don’t do it like we should, and we sure as hell don’t talk about it.

    So I’m glad you enjoy my perspective on it. I’m pretty angry at where we are today, and I try not to wield a big stick and piss nor moan too loudly, but I hope that in some small way my take on things might open an eye or two. And that’s all I want.

    I feel so much for the soldiers on the ground in Iraq. For all of them I wish health and that they get back here.

    But all of them won’t. And someone should be accountable, if a mistake has been made.

    This won’t be another Vietnam; these troops have public support.

    So, yeah. I hate the war, but blame the administration, not the men (and women) stuck with the dirty jobs.

    Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  5. Albion

    Hey there, Scribe…

    Yes there is somebody out there…for I know that while Euro MP’s get their €15 a day theraputic bath allowance there is hope in the world yet…

    …if you must go into politics look for the party that has the most sleaze stories in the media and join them – sod the politics; this is a political PARTY…with pay…

    …true we live in sad, strange and uncertain times; and the people in power are up there own arses when they should be in much more interesting places…

    you haven’t been kissed for 4 days? That’s a crime…

    …you write a fine blog, Miss Scribe…I’ll join your FFP (Full Frontal Party) – I may go blind reading your manifesto but, hell, it’ll be worth an eye…


  6. scribe called steff

    Yeah, but I support sight. Don’t go losing an eye.

    I think we can rework that old classic to “Are you down with the FPP? Yeah, you know me!” and then we won’t have to worry about a party song.

    It’s good to know I’ve already got folk linin’ up for my special brand of Kool-aid. (The secret ingredient is Vodka with a splash of debauchery.)

    And I know! Four days kiss-less. Better than the months and or years in my mid-20s when my lovelife was as dry as the Sahara for a spell. Thank god the past is the past.

    S’okay, I may have another date lined up on the weekend, so all is good. Or shall be. Every the optimist.

    Thanks for the amusing comment and the grin that is the result thereof. I do love ze comments, but the witty ones have a special place in my heart.

  7. Jim

    About your kool-aid. You might want to try gin instead of vodka, since gin has a very distinctive odor and vodka is basicly odorless and tastless. It’s much better to have people know you’re drunk than have them think you’re stupid!

  8. -h.

    I think it’s a fabulous idea. Case in point: I’m running nearly three months without sex now … and my temper is shorter, I get tired more easily, and I eat worse food.

    I say … sex for all.

    The Tree-Huggin Hippie Liberal

  9. scribe called steff

    Jim — I don’t lose my cool when drinking. Gin’s for people who need barometers. Vodka’s the drink of champions.

    Hear me roar.

    H — No shit, hey? Talk about the best way to decompress. Indeed.

    Sigh. Let’s hope my weekend’s advantageous. I really want to do my piece for peace. 😉

  10. Albion

    Morning, Scribe…
    So glad I put a smile on your face – I can feel the warmth of it in my frosty , snow bound cottage…

    Please, can you adopt compulsory innuendo ain all documentation and office orgasm induced grinning as part of your party doctrine? It would make ministers question time so much more interesting…can you imagine as necking on the back row when they’re trying to have a serious debauch…no, no I mean mass debate :-/

    Vodka should be offereed as an alternative to school milk…I’m a straight rum drinker personally…

    Now, I want to hear about your weekend date in all its down and dirty detail. Promise I won’t tell a soul…you don’t know me very well yet, but I’m a friend…promise…
    psst…is that tape running?

    Sing along with me.. “Now I’m only..24 hours from (insert your own here)” …words, dearest, words…


    ps. I committed my favourite and most heinous typo in my last post – ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ – sincere apologies. Can I beat myself with wet leather? Aw, please? hehe

    11:45 PM

  11. scribe called steff

    You can beat yerself any way you want to.

    I think part of the thing readers of this place need to realize is that I write about sex and sexuality and all the things that come with. But I do not write about my sex life. It’s why The Saga of J languishes unfinished.

    My sex life is mine. It’s private. I’ll allude to it, but I think the details will seldom be forthcoming. I don’t kiss and tell.

    I kiss and allude, at best. I’m as much an old-fashioned chick as I am a vixen, and I don’t see that changing too terribly fast.

  12. scribe called steff

    I’m sleepy, so maybe I sound grumpy. I just thought I should clear that up. I’m mentioning dates too much lately, but I’m constantly in a state of heightened arousal, and it’s annoying the hell out of me. Ha.

    Stupid sexual peak!

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