Say Something, Dammit

The sky is blue. This I know.
I can be told once in my life that the sky is blue, and I need not be reminded. I may have had three concussions and had bleeding on my brain, but I’m sufficiently clued in enough to be able to recall the blueness of that great big yonder up there. It’s there, it’s bigger than life, and it’s unavoidable.
What I’m not smart enough to remember, however, is just how spiffy I am.
You see, I have these alien invaders in my body that will never, ever go away. They’re from planet Estrogen, and, man, as far as aliens go, they’re a right bitch sometimes.
Unfortunately, there is an entire world filled with people of my ilk who have been invaded by these cosmic cunts, and we’re known as Women. These “Estrogenies” do things to us that we’re not that crazy about. They make us insecure, make us moody, and make us sometimes a little inconsistent. Fortunately, they also make our boobs swell once a month. It’s a give-and-take thing, really.
Guys are pretty low-key. We like that about you. We like the fact that we know we can make you a sandwich, kiss your neck, give you a beer, and you feel like you’re the king of the jungle. Easy-peasy.
We, however, communicate more than you. You, obviously, communicate less. And you’re deceptive. You like to think you’re simple. “I am man. I grunt, therefore I am.” But you’re complicated. You get moody, you get silent, and you internalize. It’s what men do. We understand this.
What we can’t process, though, is the price it sometimes comes at. Men close themselves off, and then by so doing, they also forget to communicate with us about the little things that help to keep relationships moving nice and happy-like.
“You look nice today.”
“Have I told you lately how much you rock?”
We wish we didn’t need to be told that everything’s well and good and we’re still cared about and we still do all the things to you that we did way back when, but we do need to hear these things. And frankly, you need to hear them from us, too. Everyone does.
Compliments and expressions of affection are like yogurt. They have a shelf-life, and while they keep a little longer than you might think, but when they go, man, they go. And then the weird comes down. Insecurities rise, distance ensues, and things get complicated. Relationship mold. Ew.
It’s lame, but it happens. It doesn’t take much to get out of your head sometimes and just remember to say good things about your partner. Keep them secure about how they’re valued, even when you’ve got things going on otherwise. We all get a little too internal, and it’s just not fair to our lovers if we’re all self-involved and failing to acknowledge their worth to us from time to time.
It’s really easy to forget to be communicative about these things when your sex life is going, but at least then you have a physical expression of that affection, and sometimes things can be left unsaid. If you’re not getting physical often, then it’s really important to at least have the communication working, right? Pretty obvious there. 2 + 2 = 4, yeah?
It’d be wonderful if we only had to be told once in our lives that we’re loved, but it doesn’t work that way. The more it happens, the more real it becomes to us. Fleeting suggestions of affection really don’t leave deep imprints on us, and frankly, they often don’t even make a dent. Even worse is, if we’re told how great we are over a period of time, and then time lapses where it ceases to happen much at all anymore, then there’s even greater reason to become insecure.
Put your money where your mouth is, people, and tell ‘em that you dig ‘em. Tell ‘em often, tell ‘em good. If you don’t, you never know, you might just lose what you have, and that’d be a crying shame. Especially if the feelings existed, but your communication simply lacked. The price we pay for these oversights is far too high.
(And, hey, watch out for the Estrogenies, eh?)

9 thoughts on “Say Something, Dammit

  1. Anonymous

    I wonder what triggered you to write this post. Are we all the same when it comes to relationships and insecurities? It seems like we all share the same feelings, both males or females. If we do, then why can we understand it more..( “it” refers to as relationships). I can relate to what you are saying cuz I am pretty much in the same boat. It is just a suprise that what I feel curretly have been expressed eloquently by you. Thank you

  2. Anonymous

    I love you to someone you love is like food, gotta have it. My father always told my mother that he loved her, often, and always when he left for work. I do the same to my love. great post Steff. love Richard

  3. Romantic Perv

    You as so right about communication. It is amazing how telling your partner how you feel seems to keep things going smoothly. My day isnt complete if I dont tell my wife that i love her. Toss in the occasional touches throughout the day along with the comments to remind her i am thinking of covering her in whipped cream later has led to nearly 2 decades of fighting off thos Estrogenies.

  4. scribe called steff

    Anon — Triggers? For me to know. 🙂 Nothing big, just a thought occurred to me earlier. I think it’s just that women respond more to verbal stimuli, and men respond more to physical stimuli. It’s why men can get really fucked up from intimate sex when a chick just walks away afterwards, probly. I’m glad you relate, I’m glad it hits home, and I hope your situation changes. Best of luck to ya.

    Richard — Yep, saying what you feel is everything. I remember how much my mother told me I was loved, and if there was nothing else I knew, it was that. When she died and I had no one left in my life telling me that, my self-worth fucking plummetted, and I’m certain that had something to do with it.

    Pervy — Awesome. :)There’s nothing like constantly being reminded of how great you are. Changes us, I think. Sounds like you have a great relationship. Lucky you.

  5. Pensive

    Damn that estrogen…

    My boyfriend thrives on the compliments I load up on him; I’m all too happy to accept the compliments he drowns me in. Lots of give and give makes for a great love sandwich.

  6. James B.

    I disagree with the communication issue. Men are less vocal with their communication. The “closing” of themselves is an expression of their emotions. Men are just as communicative and emotional as woman, they just do not use words. And they, for the most part, will not relive, review, endlessly attemt to rehash their emotions or the few words they do use.

  7. Spicy Little Pi

    I like this post! I read it as happy with a dash of contempt for those alien invaders. A little goofy, and I agree with the give-give for a love samich…mmm mmm mm need me some of that…

  8. Haaaaaaa

    Very accurate about guys. We shut up either because something’s wrong or just because it didn’t occur to us to say something. It’s impossible to tell the difference. I know from experience that saying something encouraging is vital in a relationship and it should go both ways. Just a little bit of encouragement goes a long way.

    Encouraging warm words from anyone can really help. Just last week I was geting a haircut and the hairdresser complimented me on my elbows. Made my day. 😉

  9. l'amoureux de KT

    Many Western Anglo males area raised to behave a certain way. Unfortunately, this way involves several things. One of these is called ‘Stoicism’ – which means, if we’re on fire, we might ask for a glass of water. But it also means that when our hearts are being broken we say nothing at all. We might get drunk. We might driver our cars too fast. We may get more than our fair share of angry tattoos. It’s a bad habit, but that’s what we’re taught.

    Fine, okay. I’m not whining about the ol’ “suck it up” and “crying’s for baby’s” and similar crap. I’m just telling you something about how men are trained to interact with the world.

    So, here’s a woman – that soft, smooth, yummy fluffy thing in our lives [hopefully] – with all these little tiny bits that need care and tender massaging and such-like, things we have been taught to ignore or disrespect or outright despise – confusing the hell out of us.

    It’s not just the obvious stuff, or i wouldn’t post this here, but it IS related…

    In defense of Men, I have to say, it takes a lot of bleeding and sorrow [fully understood and absorbed] to make a Man understand the need to communicate with a Woman in order to make a happy world for both of them.

    I’m probably wrong. I usually am. But – here’s the thing: Women communicate on a verbal level, and Men communicate on a non-verbal level.

    Are Men just stupid as dirt? I’ve heard it postulated on Television [ie: Dumboville] so many times that I begin to question my own Mensa rating [=Bright Dolt]…

    No, i think that Men and Women have the same average IQ. However, Men are trained, both biologically and socially, to be direct and to the point, and that Women are given the same training with much greater latitude [they don’t get beat half-2-death playing football in high-school Phys-Ed as often] and variance and ‘waffling’ is always treated with contempt and derision.

    Oh, hell. It makes no sense and I”m sorry to waste the electrons. Mea Culpa.


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